In relationships, knowing what to do and being able to do it are not the same things.
It’s hard to know what to do sometimes, but even when you know, doing it can feel impossible.
Our nervous system is reacting long before we have time to access what we know, and once it’s activated, that knowledge often goes offline. So how do we get our nervous system to do what we want?
It’s like this: If you drive into a tree, it’s important to understand how you were driving, how the car handles, the weather and road conditions, and what you could have done differently. That explains what happened and what to do next time. That’s knowing.
But you need the car to do things, and the car is damaged. So doing requires a mechanic who understands how the engine works and has the tools to fix it. Our nervous system works essentially the same way: understanding what happened is critical, but it’s not enough.
Unfortunately, you can’t take your nervous system to a mechanic. Fixing it is an inside job. Yet no one is teaching us how.
Until now.
UNRAVEL not only helps you figure out what to do, it also teaches you how the engine works and gives you the tools to fix it.
It does that in 3 ways:
Learn what's happening and why.
Relationship psychology made understandable through Real Answers, Journeys, Foundations, and original models & frameworks.
Use what you know in real life.
Interactive tools designed to help you reality-test, recognize patterns, and make more intentional decisions.
Psychology you can actually use.
Circuit Breakers™, illustrated guides, and other tools designed to bring psychological concepts into everyday life.
Where to Start
Explore UNRAVEL based on what you want to understand, what you're dealing with, or how you want to learn.
Get answers to the questions you keep coming back to. Am I the problem? Why is everything my fault? Can they change? Find out what’s happening, how it works, and why it’s messing with your head.
Guided paths that take you through the full cycle of various relationships and patterns. See how things develop, why they play out the way they do, and how to understand your own role. There’s even a journey for how to support a friend.
The research and science behind relationships. From the nervous system to social scripts to emotional manipulation, these provide a high level understanding of human behavior in relationships.
Original models developed for UNRAVEL. These are built to help you see relationship patterns more clearly and understand the mechanisms at play. They make the science more relatable.
How much do you actually know about emotional manipulation? Take the quiz, see your score, and get the answer sheet with every answer fully explained.
Checklists, scripts, dating logs, and other practical tools you can use to apply what you're learning on UNRAVEL to your own relationships.
Relationships are confusing. This newsletter uses social commentary to help make sense of what’s happening on social media and in the public discourse. It explores the hard wiring behind our beliefs, assumptions, and behaviors, why we often act against our own best interests, and how we unintentionally hurt ourselves and the people we love.
If your relationship is actively harming you, consider reaching out to someone you trust or a professional.
You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, or visit Netflix’s mental health, safety, and crisis support website at wannatalkaboutit.com.